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You Know You're In Austin If...
Texas v. States

You Know You're In Austin If...

Your co-worker tells you he/she has 8 body piercings, but none are visible.

You make around $100,000/year and still can't afford a house.

You never bother looking at the Capital Metro schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.

You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

You know that anyone wearing pants in November is just visiting from Ohio.

Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and, after your child tells you all of that, you still need to ask if the teacher is "Mr. Sunshine" or "Ms. Sunshine."

You are thinking of taking an continuing education evening class but you can't decide between yoga, aroma therapy, conversational Mandarin or a course on building your own web site.

A man walks down Guadalupe (the drag) in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps ...You don't notice.

You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.

You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is a local.

You keep a list of companies to boycott in your wallet.

Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

You occasionally see a guy on a unicycle whiz by you in traffic and you think to yourself, "Oh yeah, it's that guy again..."

You start to worry when you don't see the cross-dressing, bearded guy in-a-tutu-and-bikini top-who-has-made-a-statement-with-his-grocery cart-an-cardboard-box-art/shelter on your way to work in the morning.

You make dinner plans around who's got the best margaritas.

You have a tough time deciding on one of Austin's six 24-hour eating options (IHOP, Denny's, Katz', Kerbey, Stars, or Magnolia Cafe).

You complain about their prices but still shop at Central Market for the scene.

You know the exact locations of three towing yards.

Your summer shoes are your Birks and your winter shoes are your Birks w/socks.

Your entire wardrobe consists of: a black tank top, a GAP white T-shirt, second-hand Levi's, second-hand cut-off Levi's, overalls, Longhorns sweats, anything polyester from the 70's, a bikini, Tevas, Birkenstocks, and running shoes.

Dressing up to go out for a woman means throwing a tank top on over the sports bra you've had on all day b/c it's so DAMN HOT.

You often find yourself wondering why magazine editors insist that swimsuit season starts on Memorial Day when it's really the end of February or at the latest, the beginning of March.

You consider chips, salsa, Kerby Queso, and a Shiner Bock a well balanced meal.

You find yourself making beaded necklaces to give away as Christmas gifts.

100 degrees for three straight months isn't unreasonable, 110 degrees is and 90 degrees anywhere between May and September seems a little chilly.

When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you've got your wallet and keys.

You don't mind parking a mile away as long as it's in the shade.

Texas Flag You'd rather ride your bike than get in a car without air conditioning. At least on your bike, you're guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic.

You see more Texas flags flying than American flags.

Cubicles are no longer referred to as "work spaces" but "way out funky left brain meditation depositories."

The food at the company holiday party is all vegan, organic, soy free, wheat free, dairy free... Most Austinites are either "allergic" or "political" when it comes to food.

That noontime odor in the breakroom reminds you of your trip to Caracas, but its only somebody's lunch.

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